Out On The Weekend – Esquire

Out On The Weekend – Esquire
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Out On The Weekend

By Charles P. Pierce

MAY 30, 2014CommentsPermanent MusicalAccompaniment For The Last Post Of The Week From The Blog’s Second-Favourite Canadian)OK, so you think the religion of your birth has problems? You got no complaints, bunky.His Holiness Shri Ashutosh Maharaj, the founder of the Divya Jyoti Jagrati Sansthan religious order, with a property estate worth an estimated US$167-million, died in January, according to his wife and son. However, his disciples at his ashram have refused to let the family take his body for cremation because they claim he is still alive. According to his followers, based in the Punjab city of Jalandhar, he simply went into a deep Samadhi, or meditation, and they have put his body in a commercial freezer at their ashram to preserve it for when he wakes.There’s nobody in town who can hit this dude in the knee with a hammer? This whole business is in court now. I do not envy the judge because the local judicial system seems to be as confused as everyone else.Punjabi police initially confirmed his death, but the Punjab High Court later dismissed the police report. Local governmental officials said it was a spiritual matter and that the guru’s followers could not be forced to believe he is dead.I have this vision of 12 fishermen from Galilee having this same argument long ago one Easter. And, yes, that seat on the bus to Hell is taken.(Yeah, yeah. Me, too.)Henrik Lundqvist, and his ridiculous talent, can bite me.Free speech martyr Donald Sterling now has a couple of billion reasons not to complain. Keep in mind, because he is just cussed enough to fight this, that Sterling may claim that the NBA is forcing him to accept that amount as the price of a team for which he paid $12 million back in the day. This remains a great country.The National Spelling Bee ended cute this year, with the first tie in over half-a-century.”The competition was against the dictionary, not each other,” said a weary-but-wired Sriram, of Painted Post, N.Y., who had made the finals in two previous national bees and had declared his determination to win this one.Boy, has that kid watched a lot of golfers being interviewed in his day.And, of course, there is theexpected d-e-r-p-i-t-u-d-e.And I have no explanation for thisat all, but I do suspect this guy is now vibrating at a frequency that would shatter plate glass.”It took a few minutes to figure out all the math, but in the end, it took about 55 shots to get us over the $50 line, and we just rounded it up to 60 to make it easy,” he explained to Consumerist. Everyone behind the counter seemed to be on board with the plan, and they produced the massive confection in about ten minutes. “I gotta say, it was delicious,” Andrew declared. He reports that he drank maybe a third of it, then put the drink away for later enjoyment.Or in case his defibrillator runs out of charge on the way home.We’ll be back on Monday with what I am sure will be a whole lot of Where’s The Leadership gobshitery. Be well and play nice, ya bastids, or Andrew With The Shaky Hands will come to your house with two straws.COMMENTSJump to CommentsShow Full ArticlePREVIOUS POSTThe Problem Isn’t The VA Or Eric ShinsekiNEXT POSTWelcome Home, Sergeant BoweSPECIAL OFFER

About This Blog

This blog is about politics, which, according to Aristotle, a truly veteran scribe, is the result of humans being the only herd animals capable of speaking to one another. It is written by Charles P. Pierce, a writer at large of Esquire magazine. Read MoreNew to the Politics Blog? Refer tothis helpful glossary.Read More


Charles P. Pierce

Charlie has been a working journalist since 1976. He is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America. He lives near Boston with his wife but no longer his three children.All Posts By This Author

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